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Domestic violence and its complex effects on children and mothers
Like their mothers, children of women who have been battered frequently live in an atmosphere of fear and uncertainty. Quite simply, domestic violence can deprive children of the joys of childhood. It can disrupt their sense of safety and security and can threaten their well-being, development and social adjustment. In spite of these negative effects, it is important to note that each child’s response to domestic violence is unique and is affected by the frequency and severity of the abuse, her or his relationships with adult caregivers, and a host of other complex factors.
The safety and security of survivors and their children are closely linked. In the vast majority of families where domestic violence is prevalent, the mother is the primary caregiver, and the father is the perpetrator. Women victimized by domestic violence who have children often make decisions about their relationships with intimate partners based on their beliefs of what truly will be in the best interests of their children. These decisions are not simple. A mother must determine how to protect herself and her children from physical danger. She also must contemplate how much she wants to uproot her children’s lives by fleeing to a shelter, changing schools, losing financial security or having them see their father arrested.
Some policymakers, child protection workers and judges mistakenly assume that if a child is exposed to domestic violence, then the child is in immediate danger and must be removed from the home. Mothers victimized by domestic violence are sometimes also criminally prosecuted for “failure to protect” their children, even if those mothers believe that leaving the relationship will put themselves and their children at greater risk of harm. These types of punitive responses to victims do not hold the batterer accountable for his actions and can cause even greater unintended harm to the children and mother. Such actions ignore the reality that a woman is at greater risk for assaults after she leaves her abuser.
There also is growing evidence that in a significant number of homes where either child maltreatment or woman battering is occurring the other form of violence also exists.
THE EFFECTS ASSOCIATED WITH WITNESSING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Millions of children are exposed to domestic violence each year in the United States. They can be harmed by:
- Intentional injuries inflicted by the perpetrator.
- Unintentional injuries from violence directed at the mother.
- An atmosphere in which they directly witness violence or the aftermath of an attack.
- Emotional abuse when they are used as pawns to coercively control the abused parent.
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A batterer’s use of violence against a child’s mother can affect that child in varied and complex ways that can be exhibited in emotional, behavioral, social and physical development. Some children may exhibit aggression, depression, anxiety, lower levels of self-esteem and below-average academic performance, while others may show no response.
Some children might also lose respect for their mother—and women in general—if their mother’s abuser constantly tells her she is worthless and unable to care for her children. These children also must contend with conflicting emotions about a father they both fear and love.
The effects of domestic violence on children also illustrate how their reactions can mimic so-called diagnosable disorders, including attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder. These reactions can be exaggerated in crisis situations, such as when a child is temporarily residing in a domestic violence shelter, and should be considered normal responses to abnormal situations.
MODERATING FACTORS IN A CHILD'S RESPONSE
The impact of witnessing violence can be magnified or reduced by a number of factors, with some children showing great resilience in the face of adversity:
- Age and gender of the child.
- Other violent experiences.
- Severity and frequency of the violence.
- Social supports available and the extent to which the child can accept support.
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WHAT CHILDREN NEED
Children whose mothers are battered are not hidden, but the reality of their lives is all too often overlooked or misunderstood. They attend school, child care or church. Many already have contact with healthcare providers and mental-health professionals, government social workers, police, and the justice system. At the very least, every child needs and deserves these basic services:
- Education and support.
- Communication with others about what has happened to them.
- Safety planning.
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Anyone who has contact with children should be aware of the possibility that domestic violence can occur in any home. Clearly, greater screening is required, both routinely and particularly when children demonstrate behavioral or emotional problems.
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